GRADUATION SPEECH

Greetings. First and foremost, congratulations are in order. It’s been a long and arduous journey but you’ve finally reached the ultimate destination, joblessness.
Without a doubt, you all have had to overcome a myriad of challenges in your pursuit of academic excellence; the acres of microscopic mwakenya scripts, the adaptive hawk-eyed espionage skills acquired in the exam room, the telepathic exchange of questions and their respective answers, it would be a shame not to acknowledge these steadfast and dedicated efforts you have made in your quest to scale new heights in the field of academia.
As you relish this joyous reward for your tireless labour, take a moment to think through the moments that defined your life as a comrade. Cherish the reckless sexcapades and uninhibited intoxication. Remember the intense stone-teargas exchanges and subsequent free for all’s. Forget not the bland yet pocket friendly menu’s of the mess and the punitive bug-ridden beds in the halls of residence.
Look towards the future where good times abound. No assignments. No term papers. No endless projects and condescending know-it-all professors to contend with. Gone are the days of impromptu CAT’s and snooze inspiring lab classes.
Step into this new chapter of your lives with all the energy of your youth. Lord knows you’ll need it for the back breaking toil that awaits you. The truth is, there really aren’t enough jobs out there to accommodate all of you. Some of you will get fancy jobs in multinationals. Some of you will settle for the most frustrating paycheck on the table. Others will leave campus and go on to become persons of repute in the society while there are those who will simply waste away. It’s all out there for you.
So for today, dance the happy tunes with your folk. Pop the champagne and bring out the feast to commemorate this momentous occasion. Bathe in the sea of praise that will characterize the infinite speeches punctuated with repetitive anecdotes. Be happy.
But let no one cheat you, this ride is far from over. There will be plenty winding turns and sudden bumps. There are no signposts in this road. Just a lot of uncertainty. And bad instructors. But if you look closely, there should be a dim flicker of light at the very far end of the pitch black tunnel. Can’t see it? Well imagine it then because in these times one needs hope to keep going.
Otherwise, congratulations on making it to the real world. You should probably hit the ground running. Or as they say in these parts, hit the tarmac.
Cheers.

LETTER TO ALL FIRST YEARS

Hello KCSE class of 2013. You must be a lucky group to be joining campus this soon, barely ten months after you graduated from high school.

Kudos to the Ministry of Higher Education. I know by now, scores of people have probably dished out tonnes of advice to you, but allow me to throw in my mercurial nugget of wisdom into the broth. I hope it will taste right for you.

Freshman, as you join campus, please bear in mind that you’re coming here to study. After all, that is why you are in college in the first place.

All other activities should come secondary to academics. If at all you want to come out of the institution with a degree, then this is not the time to start partying all night and sleeping all day.

Attend class. Sounds obvious, right? Until you discover how tempting it is to sleep in and skip that 8 a.m. class. Avoid this temptation. Avoid it like the plague. Bear in mind that this isn’t high school where bells and teachers are on hand to monitor your every move.

Get involved in campus. Join a club or organisation. It will not only develop your social skills and interaction but will also keep you busy. Make as many friends as possible. Believe me, you will need them.

You are probably excited by the fact that you get to manage your own money. Be aware that with that freedom, comes a responsibility. Otherwise, you will soon be acquainted with the meaning of the phrase, easy come, easy go. You do not want to get there.

It may sound cliché, but please stay away from drugs and alcohol. Or at least try. Okay, keep it at a minimum. Being cool does not entail drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney. Thank me later on this one.

In conclusion, stay true to yourself and uphold the values with which your parents/guardians brought you up on. You will experience a lot of peer pressure, and the temptation to engage in things that are not right will arise. Always refer to your understanding of right and wrong, even if others do not subscribe to it.
Wishing you success and good times as you embark on this exciting new chapter in life.
Sincerely,
Boaz Bob
Moi University, Third Year

INSURE YOUR VALUABLES COMRADES

A new insurance package targeting university students is in the works as a Kenyan insurance company prepares to launch a new product that will insure comrades’ laptops against theft and physical damage. Given the alarming cases of laptop theft in campus, this is certainly music to many a comrades’ ears.
While we’re at it, why not then introduce even more student friendly packages that will specifically cater to the needs of students. To begin with, how about a product for mwakenya’s? No seriously! After all the painstaking efforts that go into condensing a semester’s worth of lectures and notes into the pocket friendly lifesaver, isn’t it painful when you accidentally misplace it? Even worse if someone lifts it from you. With the surging demand for the commodity in the student market, it should certainly be among the first things you would want to secure as a comrade.
Second up should be condom dispensers. This would not only be of benefit to the students but the administration as well. Among the greatest mysteries of the world is why condom dispensers in campus are always battered and mangled. The most logical explanation would be that they are frequently recepients of extreme physical abuse from frustrated comrades who fuel their testosterone towards the empty dispensers upon discovery that they will not be getting any.
Coils. If those gadgets could speak they would tell harrowing tales of their experiences at the hands of comrades. Especially so for the male students. Tales of naked wires plugged into naked sockets because two hundred bob to buy a plug and a socket just isn’t economically feasible. Of githeri boiled all Sunday afternoon because electricity is free courtesy of JAB (isn’t it?). Of shot circuits and temperamental circuit blockers that have resulted in floor by floor cooking schedules in the halls of residence. Oh, they would tell stories!
An insurance package for sugar daddies would also be worth considering wouldn’t it ladies? Because how would a female comrade survive for an entire fifteen weeks with a broke boyfriend? What with all the make-up and shoes to buy. And the girlfriends to impress. And clothes? And going out? Not going to happen!
But most importantly, the most importantly, there is that one possession that each and every comrade holds most dear. Their HELB loan. Therein lies the secret to success. Whichever insurer that offers to ensure that HELB coffers never run dry will have discovered the secret to eternal happiness. So fellows, please devise a package for this will you?
Or maybe we can all just live with our misfortunes like everyone else.

0

Let’s kick this one off with an anecdote, shall we. A group of comrades were hanging out in their hostel one evening when of them suggested they take the fun times a notch higher and hit the club. Seeing as it was rather late into the night, one student dismissed the idea observing that it was too late and besides, he argued, they had had enough partying for one night. Seeing that he wasn’t going to have his way this time, the proposer threw a tantrum making it clear to the rest of the group that as a Medicine student, he had veto over any decisions that needed to be made and the rest would be well advised to heed his will. Everything went downhill thereafter.
While the implication that some students/graduates are more important than others seems rather insensitive, a recent report by the Center on Education and the Workforce in the US published by Forbes Magazine suggests that indeed, some courses -and by extension graduates- are more valuable and important than others.
According to the study, one’s choice of course substantially affects their employment prospects and earnings. As the worst affected courses, Anthropology and Archeology students in the US face a 10.5% unemployment rate with an average annual salary of only $28,000 compared to $58,000 for Mechanical Engineers. As a matter of fact, the least in-demand and lowest earning courses in the US fall under arts and humanities and include film, fine arts, and philosophy & religious studies.
The study further points out that “most young people in college [and university] take whatever interests them, without thinking what it can really do for them.”
In Kenya, when it comes to choosing degree courses, many people go for the most popular courses simply because it is widely believed that chances of getting employed after pursuing a popular course are high. Commerce, Law and Bachelor of Arts courses have proven to be widely popular with high school levers signing up for the degrees in droves.
The dynamics of the Kenyan job market paint a totally different picture from the prevailing scenario in the US but the truth is, most university entrants mostly only consider accessibility of the courses as opposed to the demand for such skills in the job market. Some degree of blame must also fall on the Joint Admission’s Board which has often been accused of admitting students for degree courses they hadn’t even applied for on account of limited availability of certain courses.

YEARLY STARTER KITS FOR COMRADES

So it’s back to campus this week for most comrades after what must have been an activity filled holiday. Hard as it may be to accept, it’s an inescapable reality. But at least this time around, there’s something to look forward to with the dawn of the new year. Cliched as it may sound, every new year brings with it a simmering sense of promise more so for campuserians (well, any student really) as we edge ever closer to accomplishing the painstaking yet rewarding task of completing studies. Well, here’s a few tips that may come in handy this year as you trudge towards that seemingly distant goal.
Lectures are to be attended. However laborious it may seem the rewards that come with actually attending classes can never be overemphasized. Just refer to your most recent transcript for evidence. Yeah, it sucks to admit that parents and lecturers are actually right but the only way to justify the four (give or take) years spent on campus is by actually having learnt something by the time you leave the place. And how do you learn? There you go!
Network. Unlike high school, there’s no other platform to redeem yourself after campus. It’s the final frontier. Beyond it lies only one thing; life. That’s why it’s probably a good idea to be well prepared for it as you approach the final stretch. Sure, learning is key to accomplishing this but one of the most significant take-home’s from campus will be the relationships you develop while there. Be it classmates, roommates, lecturers, potential employers, heck even godfathers. The relationships you build in campus will be the extra ammo you’ll need after you ‘step out’. And best believe you will need it.
Any comrade worth the name will tell you that the measure of how good or bad a semester was is the number of kick ass parties you attended. What? It’s like the 753¼ ^th rule of comradeship! Granted, campus memories are made of such. So by all means, indulge. Besides, the world does not revolve around the library. It’s okay to venture a little bit but be wary not to lose your footing while at it. These be murky streets. You don’t want to miss out on the campus experience and end up club hopping on a walking stick in your twilight years but at the same time…you know how that one ends.
For heaven’s sake get hitched! You don’t have to get married or anything but at least make an attempt at sustaining a relationship for longer than a cab ride from the club. It may sound old fashioned but when you’re folks start hounding you on graduation day about what you brought home besides that ‘piece of paper’ it won’t be so funny. Besides, it’s campus, you’re literally spoilt for choice.
Now off with yourselves.

BATTLE OF THE BEAU’S

Valentine’s Day is here? Again? For those in love this is a day to express ones love towards his/her partner. Simple as love is in its basic concept, love can be quite expensive.  The phrase “no Romance without finance” comes to mind. And quite appropriately so.
Interestingly though, broke or not your partner expects to be shown some love. These days going for a stroll in the park just won’t cut it. In fact free expressions of love are often regarded as boring and associated with losers. On the other hand, though,extravagance, especially on  Valentine’s Day is christened beautifully including but not limited adjectives such as sweet, awesome and romantic.
The world over Valentine’s is silently considered to be the day when the man does something “awesome” for the lady. Though women are expected to reciprocate the same since a good turn deserves another, more often than not the ladies get away with it. For most comrades however only so much can be expected.
Ask any young man in campus under these economic times. There are just too many unsettled priorities before you can get to the bottom of the list where romance is.
The irony of this situation though, is that your girlfriend still expects something. This is the time when many students come up withemergency calls to their parents for additional text books or some constructed medical emergency and what have you. All in a bid to solicit some moolah to take their chicks out.  Save the nature walks and dinner in the hostel room for the clueless broke boys.
This Valentine’s Day enjoy your love and remember that in life, the best things are free. If you find yourself struggling to please your loved one then maybe you are not being honest enough. It is a lot easier to let them understand your situation.  A little effort wouldn’t hurt though. Perhaps some coffee. Or a movie. Something manageable but fancy. In short think out of the box and there will always be a cheap way to say those three words without sounding cheap.
But then again, this isn’t a relationship column now is it? What the heck?! Break the damn piggy bank!

KENYA TELEVISION SERVICE AND MEDIA SCIENCE.

The new year has ushered in new hopes, dreams and challenges as the most awaited   Moi university TV goes on air. The KTS (Kenya Television Service) which was launched by the former president Daniel Toroitich Arap Moi is one the top most achievement this year for Moi University as a whole.

The TV channel that will be accessed by purchasing GO TV is a commercial TV station, thus disqualifying students from being part of the TV directly, considering professionalism is highly required,although the students are also encouraged to learn from it.

The students from different schools who are pursuing media for the last years have been training with the Moi University radio, MU FM (103.9) studio which is based in the School of Information Sciences next to the Margaret Thatcher Library.

Talking to the Executive Producer at the radio station Mr Gilbert Lang’at he said that the number of students coming to the studio has increased, he added that the studio has also helped boost student’s confidence and courage thus well prepared to face the real media industry.

All this has upgraded the status of the school of information sciences as the students are challenged to be more alert, this comes after students from the school of information science pursuing media science realized that they are now under the new curriculum and there is a name change from media science to mass media. Although this happened two years back most students had not been informed of the same. Different opinions were given concerning this name change others being okay insisting that the content is similar and no big difference while others hold that the title Media Science was better as it was complex to understand thus more prestigious than just the name Mass Media.

The producer MU FM when asked his opinion about the name change said that the change is as a result of the feedback by the former students who reported that there was a problem in understanding the title media science. It is hoped the new name  will aid in marketing of  media students and make it easier for them to get jobs.

FENCE TO C HOUSES SET A BLAZE

A section of C Houses residents set their fence on fire in protest of consistent power blackouts at their residence yesterday night. Two separate sections of the fence were lighten up, prompting a security guard and the financial director, Seleb John Kenga to run with buckets full of water in order to put off the increasingly blazing fire.

C houses has not had consistent electricity since the beginning of the semester and the dwellers are now fearing for their academic performance having in mind the many assignments and CATs that are set to begin which increase their school workload.Alongside power blackout the students also cited insecurity, poor drainage from Hostel K as their major problems. One of the affected residents claimed to have reached the Health Director,Jemima Tietie, whom he says did not give him a proper answer. On security, one of them complained that they lost their mattresses in his room on Wednesday.

They complained that the lack of power makes them go hungry not because they lack food but a cooking medium. They said that most of them cannot afford to take their meals in the hotels at the stage and so they were pleading to the student representatives present at the scene, Barille Guyo, the Director of Security and Accommodation and Geoffrey Omondi, the MUSO Chairman to intervene and even help solve the problem as immediate as possible.

The Security and Accommodation director said that they had replaced a cable that exploded and was replaced but still the transformer fuse got burnt. He promised that there’ll be lights back by tomorrow at least the switches will have power if not the sockets too.

The Students Chairman said that it is a problem of over consumption and that KPLC reviewed the structure of the houses and they said it needs special cables whose procurement costs is 3.5million. This he says will be a long lasting solution and already, it has its paper work done.By Friday, all will be fine for the members of the C houses, he says.

On matters security, he said that after theft has been reported, it will be their duty to look into that and that they’ll ensure the students will be given another mattress and none of them will be victimized for stolen mattresses.

By Boaz Bob