GRADUATION SPEECH

Greetings. First and foremost, congratulations are in order. It’s been a long and arduous journey but you’ve finally reached the ultimate destination, joblessness.
Without a doubt, you all have had to overcome a myriad of challenges in your pursuit of academic excellence; the acres of microscopic mwakenya scripts, the adaptive hawk-eyed espionage skills acquired in the exam room, the telepathic exchange of questions and their respective answers, it would be a shame not to acknowledge these steadfast and dedicated efforts you have made in your quest to scale new heights in the field of academia.
As you relish this joyous reward for your tireless labour, take a moment to think through the moments that defined your life as a comrade. Cherish the reckless sexcapades and uninhibited intoxication. Remember the intense stone-teargas exchanges and subsequent free for all’s. Forget not the bland yet pocket friendly menu’s of the mess and the punitive bug-ridden beds in the halls of residence.
Look towards the future where good times abound. No assignments. No term papers. No endless projects and condescending know-it-all professors to contend with. Gone are the days of impromptu CAT’s and snooze inspiring lab classes.
Step into this new chapter of your lives with all the energy of your youth. Lord knows you’ll need it for the back breaking toil that awaits you. The truth is, there really aren’t enough jobs out there to accommodate all of you. Some of you will get fancy jobs in multinationals. Some of you will settle for the most frustrating paycheck on the table. Others will leave campus and go on to become persons of repute in the society while there are those who will simply waste away. It’s all out there for you.
So for today, dance the happy tunes with your folk. Pop the champagne and bring out the feast to commemorate this momentous occasion. Bathe in the sea of praise that will characterize the infinite speeches punctuated with repetitive anecdotes. Be happy.
But let no one cheat you, this ride is far from over. There will be plenty winding turns and sudden bumps. There are no signposts in this road. Just a lot of uncertainty. And bad instructors. But if you look closely, there should be a dim flicker of light at the very far end of the pitch black tunnel. Can’t see it? Well imagine it then because in these times one needs hope to keep going.
Otherwise, congratulations on making it to the real world. You should probably hit the ground running. Or as they say in these parts, hit the tarmac.
Cheers.